Tears of NotLovers
by Card Carrying Villains
Summary: It had been a bad breakup, in the past.   There wasn't enough time, in the present. Cain/Starbuck, Cain/Roslin. By Hearts


It had been a bad break-up.

So, all those decades later, when the _Pegasus_ returned and President (President!) Laura Roslin stood on the flight deck to welcome Admiral (Admiral! When did _that _happen?) Cain, she carefully shoved all emotion as far back in her brain as possible. The amygdala is a wonderful thing.

She was polite. She shook her hand, and later, stiffly hugged her. She registered the shock on the Admiral's face at her new role, and a small portion of her felt this to be a victory. Cain had never thought she was going anywhere in her life, not ruthless enough, not demanding enough. But look at them both, one apocalypse later and here they were, respective heads of the remains of the human race.

In all honesty, Laura had not thought of Cain since the attacks, had never wondered if she was still alive. All those years ago, she had wanted Cain dead anyway.

As they hugged Cain whispered in her ear "Glad to see you alive, truce?" And, though Laura honestly did not know if she was happy to see Cain alive, despite all the years that had passed, despite the necessity for every breathing human being, replied, "Of course! It's all in the past now." She must always do what is best for the colonies, and in this case the so-called truce appeared to be it. She ignored Cain's self-possessed smile at her reply.

She was amazed that Commander Adama appeared so calm, so submissive, when Cain took over his fleet. She, personally, dreaded having to work so closely with Cain. That's why she looked as if Cain had shot her dog.

Ironic, in a way. Cain _had_ shot her dog, or rather, taken her dog to get shot, when the dog was old and lost kidney functions. She had not been ready to give up on that dog.

Cain, to her credit, appeared as eager to keep out of Laura's way as Laura was to avoid Cain. That's she hadn't returned the _one _call Laura sent her, and that call was only sent because Billy suggested it. She pretended to have forgotten, blamed her deteriorating health, when in fact she had remembered perfectly well. She just didn't want Billy getting suspicious.

She felt that the _Pegasus _could take the _Galactica_ in a fight because she knew Cain was a ruthless bitch. She also knew, however, that despite being a ruthless bitch, Cain did care, deeply, for her ship. Didn't appear to care much for humanity, but for her humans, yes, she cared.

Once upon a time she had cared for Laura Roslin. Once upon a time, a different lifetime, now, she had held Laura in her arms as her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Had cradled her, stroked her hair, whispered in her ear...and left her without so much as a "goodbye" three months later, because apparently frakking your superior officer gets you places in the military. Because becoming an Admiral was more important to Helena Cain than Roslin was.

She did not want, once again, to be under the Admiral's control. She remembered how she felt when Cain left her, how she felt when her mother died and she was alone in her grief.

She told Adama that he needed to kill her. That the fleet needed her dead.

In truth, Roslin needed her dead.

In truth, if Adama and Cain could compromise somewhere, work together, the fleet would be safer and better-off than ever before.

* * *

><p>Perhaps it would have been different if she had known Roslin was dying. Cain did not consider herself a heartless woman. Ruthless, yes; heartless, no. She would have apologised, then, for leaving her as she did. She had loved Laura. Did not love her anymore, no, but when she left her, yes, she had loved her. It was one of her greatest mistakes, in the small, dark, moments she allowed herself to dwell on mistakes, to leave Roslin. She did not, however, have those moments very often. She did not second-guess, did not think about mistakes. And so, for years, she had not thought about Laura Roslin.<p>

Until she saw her on the flight deck, next to Commander Adama.

She had changed, yes, but Cain knew that she was still the same woman she had left years ago. Armageddon had not made a difference there.

Despite anything Roslin said, Cain knew she had not forgiven her. Ever.

So she left Roslin be, as much as possible.

Besides, there was Starbuck to think about.

Starbuck, beautiful, daring to a fault, show-offy Starbuck.

She had pulled her off _Galactica_ for habitually fighting with superior officers. What Adama, or Starbuck, for that matter, didn't know was that she respected Kara Thrace for having the nerve, the gall, to hit her superiors when she felt necessary.

After the unplanned, unsanctioned, successful recon mission Starbuck flew, Cain couldn't stop smiling. She was just too perfect.

She had Starbuck promoted to CAG, and found herself liking the young woman more and more, trusting her more than she probably should.

There was something about Starbuck that commanded trust. Something about her brutal honesty, even her strange form of mostly non-existant humility.

She wanted Starbuck.

Wanted to kiss her, press her against the wall of the _Pegasus_, wanted to run her fingers through Kara's hair and have Kara relinquish her carefully controlled body, controlled emotion, to her. Gods, she wanted to frak Kara Thrace like it wasn't the end of the world, or possibly like the world was ending much quicker than it appeared to be.

If she had known that Starbuck, who had only known her a few days, wanted her too, it would probably not have made a difference. They were too busy, the both of them, in the days they had together. Neither rested.

But Admiral Helena Cain knew that Starbuck trusted her.

Admiral Helena Cain knew that both Starbuck and Roslin cried as her body slipped out the air hatch.

The tears of a lover long lost and a lover never had.


End file.
